The Reaper – The Mourning

It was 6 in the morning. Johny sat at the edge of his bed. The nascent sun warmed his body. He got up and walked to the balcony overlooking the sea on the beach in a Surabaya resort Meynambut Matahari, which literally means ‘to welcome the sun’. He freshened up, gulped down a jug of cold water, tied his running shoes and stepped out.  

Once on the road to the beach, he started of slowly. First, he started walking with long strides, getting into a rhythm. Then slowly he started jogging, feeling the blood rush into his legs. The sweat beaded on his shoulders and nose. The wamishly cool humid air filled his lungs. For a moment he closed his eyes to feel it. The night he lost Anita flooded into his mind. His nostrils flared. His jog quickened into a run. The surroundings just blurred into his vision. Feeling tired he stopped and slumped on his knees. He had reached the beach. Gazing directly into the sun he walked to the edge of the beach, where the waves met the sand. He sat there with legs in the water.

The waves lapped silently at his feet. The orange sun shone bright in his eyes. Never once did his bat his eyelids as the sun rose slowly over the horizon. The sunlight shone on the cold water. A sly smile carved up his rigid face as he felt Java Sea inviting him to take a swim. He sat there unflinching. The sunrays warmed his scarred body. His skin soaked itself in the nurturing rays. His eyes were fixed upon the horizon.

He touched his body. When he moved his fingers over each scar, a memory of Anita pierced his mind.  He had come a long way from Boston to Indonesia to stay alone. He had taken to physically recover 6 months after the gruesome night. Mentally he was still deeply scarred. That night his life was blown to smithereens. His love was lost. That night, he lay on the road as dead-meat, while she was being ravaged by the 4 boys.

He closed his eyes for a moment. A stream of tears rolled down his cheeks, meeting each other at the tip of his chin. It was a sign of sorrow and grief overwhelming the one-time Taekwondo champion. The Champion who overcame pain as if it were a small bump on the road. His mind did not allow himself to rest. He had considered himself to be the guardian devil to his angel. A promise he could not deliver upon. The devil in him could not manifest itself physically. The thought of being helpless on that night because he was inebriated gnawed at his soul. First time he had let himself touch alcohol and everything had gone awry. The mistake that he had committed touched him immensely, deeply. The thoughts kept repeating in a loop. Anger coursed through his veins. Pain exploded in his chest. His breathing was heavy. The blood pressure sky-rocketed. Both hands dug into the sand as if searching for some relief.

He opened his eyes, brimming with tears. He tried to wipe them away, but they were persistent. He let them have their way. Putting his hand into the left pocket of his cargo shorts, he took out a small diary and a pen. A Pierre Cardin. A gift from Anita. He looked into the blue cloudless sky. The tears silently pushed themselves out from the corner of his eyes making way for fresh ones. He looked into the horizon and then at his diary. He opened a fresh blank page. It was dated 31^st December 2000. He looked blankly at the white page in front of him.

There were no lines filling the page. Just, a single line at the top indicating the week number 52 at the centre, the day, 31^st, in large bold numbering at the top right corner and the year, 2011, below it in small lettering.

He started writing.

“Every time I close my eyes

I see the sands take her place

 

Every time I open my eyes

I see her go up in a blaze

 

The past that rests now in my eyes

Are just the parts of a murky haze

 

She was simple, she had a dimple

My voice is brittle, my tears now trickle

For all she was she was not a maze

 

My tears are hot, my eyes bloodshot

My life a drought, my aim is lost

For all she was she was not a maze

 

Oh my friend my heart is rend,

All I want is peace be send

 

Oh god please,

Please get me out,

Out forever from this daze“

Johny rested the pen. A drop of tear dropped on the page. His body was shivering from the emotional effect. He threw the pen and the diary far away behind him. The pen landed on the sand without any report. The diary opened itself in mid-air, fluttering its pages as it landed on the small sandy knoll. The full blaze of the sun overtook him. He slipped into a state of between the consciousness and unconsciousness. A state where his body could feel the physical reality around him and his mind was in a free world of its own.

“Hi Johny, wake up” Anita said.

“Hey, it’s too early in the morning, even it is the Heaven. Go get some more sleep” Johny said. Both laughed heartily.

“What are you doing at a beach in Indonesia? You did not tell me you were on vacation?” she frowned. She mocked a gun-shot at him. He fell back, smilingly, in response. She lay next to him.

“Does it matter whether I tell you or not about my whereabouts?”

“Well technically a no. Nevertheless I need you tell me whenever you leave the house. Can you do that?”

“Yeah I can. How am I supposed to do that?”

“Just say it out loud before you leave. As simple as that”

“Just a loud mouthed shout?” he asked surprised. A sarcastic look came out his eyes. “That’s it. You are kidding right?”

“Absolutely not” she said steadfastly.

“You are weird”

“Girls are weird”

“Yeah I know that. But you are weird. I just cannot explain it”

“Well then, give me an example”

“OK. Let me think”

A few seconds later she said, “come on, it’s getting late”

“Just a second, can’t you hold on? God!”

“Yeah he’s the one calling me. Now hurry up”

“OK got it. You like the Risotto all Milanese right?”

“I love it, without beef stock, beef stock and bone marrow, Why that?”

“It is just that. That particular Risotto tastes best with those two”

“I do not like meat. That’s it”

“What trumpery? Foolishness of the highest grade”

“There is nothing foolish in it”

“Yeah whatever”

For a moment there was a deafening silence. Johny and Anita looked straight into each other’s eyes. Not one of ready to blink. They held their gaze, until Johny said, “Your God is calling. Is it not?”

“Yeah he is”

“Fine then, I will talk to later” he made a long-face.

“I suppose yes” she calmly smiled.

“See you soon” he waved at her evaporating form.

“Sure”. A few moments later a sound came from the distance. “You look like a monkey when make a long face”. The sound laughed at him.

“Ok! That’s enough for now” he said angrily. His facial features were tight.

“Johny, open your eyes”, said Dr. Ash Hahn tapping him on the shoulder.

“This is way too weird right now!”

“Open your eyes Johny. It’s Ash”

Johny woke up with a start. “Oh! Doctor, it’s you. I thought it was…”

“I understand”

“How long was I out?”

“For a long time”

“Oh ok”

“So, what do you think of doing when you get back home?”

“I don’t know. May be I’ll wander off to some place, got trekking, spend some money, organize charity events etc”

“Good”, she smiled.

“And then?”

“And then?!” he questioned surprised.

“How long will keep doing, whatever you plan to do?”

“As long as possible”

“Will you not try to find something that is interesting? Something that will move you out of this state of mourning” she questioned softly.

“May be I will. I am not sure”

“I suggest you start getting yourself busy with work once we get back. It’s already been too long a stay in Indonesia”

“Guess it is. It was worth a stay. Thanks for coming with me Doc”

“Mention not Johny”

They sat together for a long time on the beach, as people filed into it. The kids splashed in the water. Their innocent laughter pierced into Johny’s chest. It unlocked a flood-gate controlling Anita’s memory.

“I miss her Doc”, he put his face on her lap. “I could not do anything. I just wish that I had not drunk that night”. Tears streamed from his eyes.

The 50 year old doctor stroked his hair. “Son, some things in this world are planned by God himself. None can stand against it. I understand how you feel”

“I just hope that her soul is in peace”

“I hope so too. Shall we go?”

“Yes. What time is the flight?”

“1.00PM”

“Ok”

Both walked back hand-in-hand, like mother and child.

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