Once on the road to the beach, he started of slowly. First, he started walking with long strides, getting into a rhythm. Then slowly he started jogging, feeling the blood rush into his legs. The sweat beaded on his shoulders and nose. The wamishly cool humid air filled his lungs. For a moment he closed his eyes to feel it. The night he lost Anita flooded into his mind. His nostrils flared. His jog quickened into a run. The surroundings just blurred into his vision. Feeling tired he stopped and slumped on his knees. He had reached the beach. Gazing directly into the sun he walked to the edge of the beach, where the waves met the sand. He sat there with legs in the water.

The waves lapped silently at his feet. The orange sun shone bright in his eyes. Never once did his bat his eyelids as the sun rose slowly over the horizon. The sunlight shone on the cold water. A sly smile carved up his rigid face as he felt Java Sea inviting him to take a swim. He sat there unflinching. The sunrays warmed his scarred body. His skin soaked itself in the nurturing rays. His eyes were fixed upon the horizon.

He touched his body. When he moved his fingers over each scar, a memory of Anita pierced his mind.  He had come a long way from Boston to Indonesia to stay alone. He had taken to physically recover 6 months after the gruesome night. Mentally he was still deeply scarred. That night his life was blown to smithereens. His love was lost. That night, he lay on the road as dead-meat, while she was being ravaged by the 4 boys.

He closed his eyes for a moment. A stream of tears rolled down his cheeks, meeting each other at the tip of his chin. It was a sign of sorrow and grief overwhelming the one-time Taekwondo champion. The Champion who overcame pain as if it were a small bump on the road. His mind did not allow himself to rest. He had considered himself to be the guardian devil to his angel. A promise he could not deliver upon. The devil in him could not manifest itself physically. The thought of being helpless on that night because he was inebriated gnawed at his soul. First time he had let himself touch alcohol and everything had gone awry. The mistake that he had committed touched him immensely, deeply. The thoughts kept repeating in a loop. Anger coursed through his veins. Pain exploded in his chest. His breathing was heavy. The blood pressure sky-rocketed. Both hands dug into the sand as if searching for some relief.

He opened his eyes, brimming with tears. He tried to wipe them away, but they were persistent. He let them have their way. Putting his hand into the left pocket of his cargo shorts, he took out a small diary and a pen. A Pierre Cardin. A gift from Anita. He looked into the blue cloudless sky. The tears silently pushed themselves out from the corner of his eyes making way for fresh ones. He looked into the horizon and then at his diary. He opened a fresh blank page. It was dated 31^st December 2000. He looked blankly at the white page in front of him.

There were no lines filling the page. Just, a single line at the top indicating the week number 52 at the centre, the day, 31^st, in large bold numbering at the top right corner and the year, 2011, below it in small lettering.

He started writing.

“Every time I close my eyes

I see the sands take her place

Every time I open my eyes

I see her go up in a blaze

The past that rests now in my eyes

Are just the parts of a murky haze

She was simple, she had a dimple

My voice is brittle, my tears now trickle

For all she was she was not a maze

My tears are hot, my eyes bloodshot

My life a drought, my aim is lost

For all she was she was not a maze

Oh my friend my heart is rend,

All I want is peace be send

Oh god please,

Please get me out,

Out forever from this daze“

Johny rested the pen. A drop of tear dropped on the page. His body was shivering from the emotional effect. He threw the pen and the diary far away behind him. The pen landed on the sand without any report. The diary opened itself in mid-air, fluttering its pages as it landed on the small sandy knoll. The full blaze of the sun overtook him. He slipped into a state of between the consciousness and unconsciousness. A state where his body could feel the physical reality around him and his mind was in a free world of its own.

“Hi Johny, wake up” Anita said.

“Hey, it’s too early in the morning, even it is the Heaven. Go get some more sleep” Johny said. Both laughed heartily.

“What are you doing at a beach in Indonesia? You did not tell me you were on vacation?” she frowned. She mocked a gun-shot at him. He fell back, smilingly, in response. She lay next to him.

“Does it matter whether I tell you or not about my whereabouts?”

“Well technically a no. Nevertheless I need you tell me whenever you leave the house. Can you do that?”

“Yeah I can. How am I supposed to do that?”

“Just say it out loud before you leave. As simple as that”

“Just a loud mouthed shout?” he asked surprised. A sarcastic look came out his eyes. “That’s it. You are kidding right?”

“Absolutely not” she said steadfastly.

“You are weird”

“Girls are weird”

“Yeah I know that. But you are weird. I just cannot explain it”

“Well then, give me an example”

“OK. Let me think”

A few seconds later she said, “come on, it’s getting late”

“Just a second, can’t you hold on? God!”

“Yeah he’s the one calling me. Now hurry up”

“OK got it. You like the Risotto all Milanese right?”

“I love it, without beef stock, beef stock and bone marrow, Why that?”

“It is just that. That particular Risotto tastes best with those two”

“I do not like meat. That’s it”

“What trumpery? Foolishness of the highest grade”

“There is nothing foolish in it”

“Yeah whatever”

For a moment there was a deafening silence. Johny and Anita looked straight into each other’s eyes. Not one of ready to blink. They held their gaze, until Johny said, “Your God is calling. Is it not?”

“Yeah he is”

“Fine then, I will talk to later” he made a long-face.

“I suppose yes” she calmly smiled.

“See you soon” he waved at her evaporating form.

“Sure”. A few moments later a sound came from the distance. “You look like a monkey when make a long face”. The sound laughed at him.

“Ok! That’s enough for now” he said angrily. His facial features were tight.

“Johny, open your eyes”, said Dr. Ash Hahn tapping him on the shoulder.

“This is way too weird right now!”

“Open your eyes Johny. It’s Ash”

Johny woke up with a start. “Oh! Doctor, it’s you. I thought it was…”

“I understand”

“How long was I out?”

“For a long time”

“Oh ok”

“So, what do you think of doing when you get back home?”

“I don’t know. May be I’ll wander off to some place, got trekking, spend some money, organize charity events etc”

“Good”, she smiled.

“And then?”

“And then?!” he questioned surprised.

“How long will keep doing, whatever you plan to do?”

“As long as possible”

“Will you not try to find something that is interesting? Something that will move you out of this state of mourning” she questioned softly.

“May be I will. I am not sure”

“I suggest you start getting yourself busy with work once we get back. It’s already been too long a stay in Indonesia”

“Guess it is. It was worth a stay. Thanks for coming with me Doc”

“Mention not Johny”

They sat together for a long time on the beach, as people filed into it. The kids splashed in the water. Their innocent laughter pierced into Johny’s chest. It unlocked a flood-gate controlling Anita’s memory.

“I miss her Doc”, he put his face on her lap. “I could not do anything. I just wish that I had not drunk that night”. Tears streamed from his eyes.

The 50 year old doctor stroked his hair. “Son, some things in this world are planned by God himself. None can stand against it. I understand how you feel”

“I just hope that her soul is in peace”

“I hope so too. Shall we go?”

“Yes. What time is the flight?”

“1.00PM”

“Ok”

Both walked back hand-in-hand, like mother and child.

Santi, stripped off his clothes except for the boxer shorts, was tied to a target board at the Shooting Range. Johny’s source had been right again. He was perfect at his job. Johny pressed a button and the target board, with Santi on it, moved to the distance of 10m. The air around was hard, pressed with barrel smoke, the smell of gunpowder. The room resonated the very sound of umpteen numbers of bullets that were fired and will be fired everyday during practice sessions.

The room is long. It is 100m long from the point where the shooter takes his stance. It is lined with white perforated wooden sheets. These are made from saw-dust pressed together with an adhesive. These sheets are very good in absorbing the sound. The ground is covered with sand. At the end of the room is a hook to hang the target board. The board is basically a black piece with the outline of a human body painted with it, with 4 concentric circles painted on it. The board can be hung at different position depending on the shooter’s choice.

Johny had hung Santi matching the outline on the board, and moved the board to the range. He took his stance, wore the safety goggles and the headphones. He raised the silver .50 Desert Eagle, levelled it and fired off the first shot. He targeted close to the chest under the left armpit. The .50 bullet landed on the board with a thundering force, jolting Santi into consciousness. If the bullet had landed on Santi’s body, it would have taken a chunk from his chest. The reaction sent Johny into an exalted state of craziness. He smiled broadly, greedily for more. Coal burned in his eyes.

“Johny, I am sorry”, he shouted.

“What? I cannot hear you”, Johny spoke and signalled, and fired again under the right armpit with same effect on Santi.

“Johny, I am terribly sorry for what happened to you. I was a part of it. I regret it” Santi said wincing in pain.

Johny fired off another shot, this time close to the neck. The bullet grazed the skin, burning the skin as it happily lodged into the board behind him. Santi winced as the pain poured into his skull, washing out every other emotion. He could smell the burnt skin. Blood trickled from the wound. Johny observed this and repeated the act on the left side. The report of the gun and force of the bullet sent chill up Santi’s spine. His body shivered as fear mixed with pain reached the extremities of his body.

“Repeat what you just said. I could not hear you” Johny said.

“I am sorry Johny” he shouted with all the energy in his lungs.

Johny fired 2 shots in quick succession at the knee caps, thus diminishing any chance of a daring escape his quarry might have thought of. Blood and shattered bone matter erupted from the knees. The bullet had hit the superior medial and lateral genicular arteries. Seeing the blood Johny’s mind went into frenzy. A single shot was left in the magazine.

Johny went towards Santi, all along pointing the gun at him. Santi was sweating profusely. The stench repulsed Johny. He forced the hot muzzle into Santi’s mouth. He closed the mouth tight with his hands. The sound of saliva and water content evaporating in the mouth reverberated in Santi’s ears. His eyes watered in response to the physical strain that the body was going through. Johny closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the action around him.

A sudden blinding flash enveloped his mind.

“Johny, you promised” Anita said.

“Yes I promised. So what?” Johny replied defiantly.

“There is no point in killing them, my dear. God…” she replied with no hint of any emotion.

“Ha! God? If there was one, he would not have let you die” he interjected.

“Why do you feel the need for revenge?”

“How should you know what my soul and heart are going through every second of my life after I woke up from that trance you and I were in? At first I thought I was dreaming. Dave and Zach let me know of the reality. I have put in innumerable number of hours into finding the people who killed you”

“And money?”

“Money is no object here. It never was”

“Why take revenge in such a brutal manner?”

“They killed you”

“Is that all?”

“No. They killed you brutally. They should not have touched you, violated your sanctity. If they had shot you or run over you or anything like that, I would not have been this brutal. They blasphemed you by their touch and morbidity”

“I beg of you, Johny. Please stop this brutality”

“Go away Anita. There is nothing you can do”

“Please…”

“Go away” he shouted pointed the gun into the space where he imagined her presence. A moment later he regained his senses. He made it a point never to close his eyes again when he went after the other two.

Santi was bewildered to witness Johny talking to the air around him. He frantically searched for some opening, a mercy, to escape. “Johny” he managed.

“Yes?” replied Johny, seething in anger as he tried to regain his focus.

“What was all that?” he questioned.

“That was the girl you killed asking me to be merciful on you, you fool”

“Will you?”

“Oh! My boy you are expecting of things that are not destined for you” he cooed sarcastically.

Santi started his silent prayer to end his suffering as soon as possible.

“Praying for mercy eh?”

“Yes”

“I shall grant it for thee. Thou shall be granted the death in the most suitable way I think of”

“That sarcasm just adds to my fear”

“Please Santi please. Do not be afraid a bit. This will over so quickly that you won’t even now the difference between life on earth and life in hell. May I say heaven for murderers like you?” Johny laughed in fanatical craziness.

He turned his gaze at Santi. “Are you good at math, Santi?”

Santi did not answer. “Bad boy Santi, I will ask you again. This time nicely. Are you good at math?”

“Yes”

“Good. I have a simple question for you. This magazine can hold seven bullets. How many?”

“Seven”

“Good. I shot two close to your ears, so that you wake up from the effect of anaesthesia. So how many are left?”

“Five”

“Good. I like it. I shot two more near the chest. How many left?”

“Three”

“Better”

“Two more to the knees. How many left?”

Santi had lost blood. His mind was racing, while the brain was trying to cope up with it.

“Santi?” Johny murmured into Santi’s ears.

He woke up startled. “One bullet. One bullet left”

“Impressive. Bravo” Johny clapped his hands and gestured to the ambience around him to join into a barbed appreciation.

He lowered Santi’s body just enough for him to stand face to face. He went close to Santi, their noses almost touching each other. Santi was losing his consciousness rapidly. “Boo” Johny said. “Wakey wakey, time to die”

“Don’t kill me”

“Ah ah. How is that even possible Santi? You killed my girl. Now she comes into my head and asks me to let you go. Weird is it not?”

“Yes it is Johny. Please do not kill me. I will tell you where the others are?”

“Oh you will? My my, I was thinking of asking the same thing. So, where are they?”

“Joe lives in England. London I think. Hitty in Rio, Rio de Janeiro. And, Nash in Boston”

“Hmmm, thanks for the information. Have you not watched the news?”

“News?”

“Yes, Nash was killed in the most brutal manner possible. The headlines read ‘High ranking CEO killed at his house. Killer still at large’. That was me and I used this” he unsheathed the double serrated knife “this baby to kill him. Beautiful isn’t she?”. He put the blade back into its space.

“Yes” blood draining from his face.

“Now the question here is how I should use the last bullet. It is most frustrating to come to a decision”

“Just point it at my head and shoot me. End this suffering of mine once and for all. At least for the sake of Anita’s request”

“Do not take her name. Its sacrilege” said Johny, his eyes boiling in anger.

There was a moment of silence and then the sound of unsheathing metal. The metal glinted in the light. The glint mirrored in Johny’s eyes. Hungry and waiting the metal found its food in the flesh of Santi’s abdomen. The suffering had begun.

Johny sliced every inch of Santi’s body with certain finesse. Since, the body had lost much blood before this began; there was no spurt or jet of blood that erupted when Johny hit any of the arteries. The screams were muffled by the perforated walls. He removed another long blade, a tantō, and plunged it under his chin. The blade moved swiftly through the palate into the brain, severing the Pons and the Medulla regions. Johny struck the tantō with the heel of his palm, helping it lodge directly into the cerebrum ceasing all brain functions. Blood trickled from the blade onto the ground. The sand was awash with blood and sticky. Satisfied he walked back to the firing point. Looked once and shot at the corpse’s crotch. Flesh burst from the impact.

Johny kissed the gun. The odour stung his nose. The hot barrel charred his lips.

“You are hot!” he said.

He walked to the dressing room, took a shower and went to airport to catch his flight back home. It was 6 in the morning in Cape of Good Hope. The sun was still rising on the east side.

“Hey Ani” Johny said, “You are here” he exclaimed. “Thank God, you are here. I missed you so much”

“I missed you too Johny”. Her voice was a little jingle. She smiled with her head slightly bent to the right.

She took him by hand. A sudden rush of warmth from her body filled his empty soul. The shine from her form lit up his deep black eyes. An unknown energy occupied him. The pure white form of her started guiding him through the vast expanse where they stood. Her footsteps were as soft as a flower petal. Her movements like silk. Her skin was so smooth, as though they had been just bathed in some kind of august liquid. The scent from her hair put him into a deep trance. Her voice slowed his heart. It was calmer now, calmer than he had ever felt in his entire life. The silence resounded in his ears.

“Where am I?” he asked surprised.

“Inside you, my dear. Inside your mind”

“Inside my mind?” he quizzed.

“Yes. Inside you mind. Why do you doubt?”

“Well I have never been inside my mind. So…” he paused, “the feeling is different”

She laughed heartily. The sound echoed into the distance.

“OK! Now that we are in my mind, what are we supposed to do?”

“Nothing much, I suppose. Let’s just walk. Can you walk Johny?”

“Walk. Hell yeah, I can”

He tried to get up from his wheelchair. His legs lost balance, and he slumped down on the ground. “What the hell? What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong. You are just weak. You need more time to recover”

“No. I do not. I know I am stronger” he said furiously. The white surroundings turned bright red. There was a sudden quake in the surroundings. “What was that?”

“There are trying to revive you. You need to rest Johny. Please”.

“Yes, I do. But why and who are trying to revive me from what?”

-*-

“Charge to 200” said Doctor Hahn, as she placed the pads on his chest.

“Clear”

His body arched as the funnelled into defibrillator sent 200 Joules of electric charge into his chest. The reading on the monitors showed little signs of hope.

“We need to wait for him to recover”

-*-

“Your heart is under duress. It needs to start-up”

“And why is that?” She put a hand on his shoulder. It calmed him down. The heat from his angered body receded. She helped him into the chair. “Sometimes it just needs some, as you say, juice”

“You see Johny; there are two kinds of people in this world. One kind keeps their anger in store until it becomes jealousy, which in turn if not taken out in the right moment could lead to hatred and ultimately the person does something stupid. The second kind tends to show their anger on the face. They do not care about the ramifications, because they know they can handle it. And also because they know they are not made for the first kind”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“I am just saying that you belong to the second kind” and she kept pushing the wheelchair.

“Why did not say that a long time ago?”

“Were you this calm?”

“No senorita, guilty as charged”. They both laughed.

“Do you remember our first meeting Johny?”

“Yeah, I do. It was stupid. You bumped into me in the hallway with those Picasso books. That hurt”

“Yes, I am sorry for that”

“No, don’t be. Normally, I would have gone ballistic if it was any other person. But, there was something in your big black eyes of yours that stopped me from it”

“Oh that’s flattering”

“Maybe, but you do have big black eyes. They are so damn beautiful”

“Thank you Johny”

“I carry a picture of those eyes with me always. Hold on a second, I will show it to you” He searched around his covering cloth and the chair. He could not find them. “Where is my wallet? Where the hell is it?” he fumed. The surroundings turned red again and shuddered.

-*-

“Ah! Damn it. He’s going flat again. Charge to 300”

“Clear”

His body arched again. This time more fiercely. Monitors picked up the minor change in his heartbeat. A few seconds later a regular wave appeared on the monitors.

“Phew! That was close. Monitor him closely. I will be back in a few minutes”

-*-

She stood in front of him, and looked into his eyes. He calmed down.

“You don’t have to show me anything. You don’t have to tell me anything. I know how much you love me Johny”

“I have to show it to you. I have to tell you. I love you”

“Actions speak better than words. You proved it every time” tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Oh come on. No crying. Please. You know how much I hate it when you cry. It just kills me. Please no crying”

“Sure, no crying” She wiped her tears.

“Why am I in this state?”

“You have to figure it out”

“Me? How?” he asked startled.

“Yes. You. You have to figure it”

“But, how? I do not know where I am, what this place is”

“This is your mind Johny”

“Okay”

“Don’t you remember tonight?”

“Yeah, of course I do. We cleared our exams, and I asked you to marry me”

“Exactly, and then what happened?”

“You accepted it without second thought, but you wanted to marry me after 2 years or so. I was ecstatic, drank a lot and almost fell off the chair. You helped me walk outside. And then someone boys tried to misbehave with you. I tried to stop. After that I do not remember anything”

“And I was killed!”

“That’s hokum”

“Yes. I was killed. Those boys bludgeoned with objects beyond my comprehension and then they violated me before killing. Don’t you remember that?”

“Now you are joking right?” he laughed

“NO!” she said vehemently.

“How is it even possible? You are in right front of me, as beautiful as ever”

“Stop being a dullard Johny”

“I am not being stupid”

“Yes you are. Accept it. I am dead. Nothing can get me back to the real world”

“No way”

“It is a fact”

“How can I be so sure?”

“When you wake up from this dream, you will know”

“Fine, so be it. Let us assume that I am dreaming”

“Yes you are dreaming you fool” she fumed. Her eyes turned red. Her white form turned a dark black.

“Relax, I agree with you. I am dreaming”. She relaxed, returning to her cheerful self.

“Good”

“Now, you say that you are dead. Never to come back from it”

“Yes”

“When I wake up from this dream, I will want to avenge your death. And, no one will be able to stop me. Neither Zach nor Dave, correct?”

“Perfect”

“Tell me their names”

“Promise me that you will send them to jail. You will not take law into your own hands”

“I promise. Give me the names, and this is your last warning”

“I just remember one guy”

“Give me the names, you bitch. Don’t you understand that I do not like to be kept waiting with such information? 2 years. 2 years you know me, first as a girl who bumped into me, next as a friend, then girlfriend and finally as my fiancée. And you say you were killed, on the night I proposed marriage”

“Nash”

“That swine. I will rip his body apart”

“Promise me Johny, you will never go after them for blood”

“I promise” he said out loud. “This is just to make you happy”, he thought to himself.

“Thank you”

Her form started to fade away.

“Hey, where do to think you are going? Come back”. He pushed his wheelchair faster towards her as she faded away into the whiteness.

“I will always be there in your mind Johny. Never will I fade away. I am going away for the moment”

“When will get to meet you again?”

“Whenever you choose to”

-*-

“Come back……” he mouthed.

“His body is going into shock. Call Doctor Hahn” screamed one of the nurses.

“Yes, what is the status?” Dr. Hahn enquired calmly.

“Doctor Hahn, the patient is going into shock”

“Give him 5mg of morphine. Hold his body still after that”

5mg of morphine was administered to the writhing body. Johny was held tight as his body slowly recovered from shock. His two friends watched him silence, figuring out what lay in store for their volcanic-tempered friend lying on the bed, as he dreamed of Anita.

“Is he fine?” questioned Dave

“Yes. All the body functions are fine except his brain”

“What do you mean?”

“His brain is still in overdrive mode. He is remembering the events he went through tonight”

“When do you think he will wake up?” Zach asked.

“I cannot be sure. As we can see, his body is responding violently to the trauma he went through last night. Whatever it was, it has bore its brunt on his mind. It is tough to tell when he will wake up”

“So what do you suggest?”

“I suggest you both speak to him every day. Read to him. Play his favourite music. Anything that can take his mind off that episode will help him recover”

“Thank you doctor”

“I will do my best”

“We certainly hope so” Dave replied. Dr. Hahn shook hands with both of them before she left.

“Do you think he will even remember her after he wakes up?” Dave asked.

“I have no idea” Zach said, as he looked towards heavens.

“I don’t believe in God”

“Well I do”

Both sat on the bedside looking at Johny. His body shivered every time the nights images flooded into his mind.